355: The Last M. Night Shyamalan Movie

I have been trying to avoid The Last Airbender because M. Night Shyamalan is a one-hit wonder.  But when you're in the New Territories with limited options, the best thing you can do is buy a large popcorn.

I usually check the times online before I head to the theater but today, I thought an adventure was in order.  With only faith in tow, I headed to Broadway Cinema in Yuen Long hoping to catch Salt's earliest screening.  Salt's gone.  Next option: Despicable Me (in Cantonese, no thank you).  Finally, a choice between The Last Airbender and Step Up 3D.  Like I said, I was in the mood for adventure.

I got my ticket, popcorn, and glasses.  Into the theater to seat C18 and I was praying I won't be seated next to an obnoxious smelly man.  I didn't pray hard enough.

I keep forgetting that I hated watching in Broadway Cinema (in Yuen Long).  The seats don't have cup holders!  In a few moments the trailer for Piranhas came on followed by Resident Evil Afterlife.  Those four minutes were the most entertaining part of the whole movie and M. Night Shyamalan had nothing to do with it.

The first ten minutes of the movie rolled out and I understood why it's a big FAIL.  M. Night took the material way too seriously!  He successfully established that emo freak kids with supernatural powers existed centuries ago.  All of the children in The Last Airbender acted glum and dull.  It didn't help that Aang looks like a young Paul Giamatti.  Airbender could very well be the prequel to Lady in the Water with Paul as the new reincarnation of Aang.  

I kept giving the film a chance from one pretentious scene to the next.  Surely there's something good from this film.  As if in response, the guy beside me, snorted and began his nap.  When the movie reached halftime, I wanted to shout at M. Night to get over himself.  He seems to treat his film like a gospel from the Bible and it freaks me out. 

I would have been happy if the film exuded a bit of airy lightness.  The message I got was this: it's okay to be gay.  And to prove that, here are some of the scenes that will cement its place in queer film history:

• Aang shouts to the land villagers to come out and be proud of their "powers".  And a group of men started to do a beautifully choreographed synchronized dance.
• Prince Zuko was ridiculed by his very masculine father saying that he's such a sissy that even his sister can beat him in a fight.
• Prince Zuko's uncle tells him to give up the fight and get laid with girls.  Zuko of course declines because he's really not interested in girls.
• Sokka is more interested in girls' hair (although he did kiss that white haired chick in the end so he might be Bi).
• When Aang was training how to bend water, Katara tells him to move more gracefully and which Aang effortlessly did a few seconds later.
• In the end, just when you thought they're in for a bloody battle, one of the gayest endings to date, Aang says they should all just get along, be friends and stop the hate.  World peace, anyone? I thank you.
• Hello! The title has the word "Bender"!  Check "The Last Ass Bender" in your nearest porn shop.

The film ended with a sequel set-up but we all know it's the last M. Night Shyamalan movie, right?  Or at least, it's the last M. Night Shyamalan movie I'll ever watch.  Promise. Snap. Snap.

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